Dexolicious Revolution

Two months. Well, over two months, I guess. Since I've written anything here, I mean. WTF?

It's not like there hasn't been anything going on in the last two months. There's been a lot. More than a lot, really. It's been a fucking shitstorm.

So, a quick summary:

• "Dating" continued
• Job bullshit got worse
• Training resumed
• I hired a coach
• I quit my job

I'm still kind of deciding what happens next.

I'm once again excited about training, which isn't to say that it's easy. Because it's not. I'll be doing an Olympic distance race at Cascades Edge in June, so that's what I'm working toward initially. As the date gets closer, I'll start putting more thought into what should come after that.

And as far as the dating thing goes, that's all good. Well, in some ways, it's still a little scary...but mostly it's awesomely good. I've gotten teased more than a few times lately about having a boyfriend (yes, it's that rare for me to really get involved with anyone that my friends see this as the perfect opportunity to flip me some shit), but I'm more ok with that than I thought I would be. Not everything is sunshine and roses, though. There are still complications and I'm still working out how to navigate some tricky waters, but I'm taking all of that as it comes.

Things with my family are still stress-inducing. I don't really see that changing. I know I'm going to have to schedule a trip back at some point soon-ish, but I haven't really worked out when that can happen.

So, yes, life is hectic...and frustrating...and at times a little sad. But it's also good...and sweet...and at times a little blissful.

There's burning the candle at both ends, which is a concept I'm fairly used to. Lately though, I seem to be burning it at both ends and in the middle. I don't really remember the last time I slept for more than 5 hours. Even on nights when I can conceivably get more than 5 hours of sleep, my body just wakes up spontaneously. That has gotten *way* old.

Work life is insane. There simply is no other word for it. I'm liking the projects I'm involved in, but I'm wishing the timelines weren't quite so pressing. Or, maybe if they were just a little less compressed.

Family life is way stressed. Calling home is always stress-filled. I wish that wasn't the case, but that's just the reality of things right now.

Personal life is, well, disappointing. My tendency to always hope for the best from the people around me never fails to bite me in the ass eventually. And it's done that yet again. Not once, but twice. Every time that happens, I lose my trust in others just a little bit more. This time around was a huge hit. And I can feel all of my shields going up around me in a big hurry.

Dating life is interesting, but a little scary. Lots of conversations lately, much of it unexpected. Nothing is resolved. I don't know that I expect any of it will be for awhile.

Ok. Back to work for me.

I've spent a lot of time debating with myself about posting about this, but realized that part of the reason I've been so distracted by it is that I haven't been writing about it at all. So...

It seems I'm trying out something new: Dating

As in, seeing the same person multiple times where the purpose isn't just to hook up. In fact, the "hook up" bit technically hasn't even happened at this point...and yet there's been many coffee meets, shared meals, drinks, and a bit of shopping. I mean, it's not like nothing is happening at all, just not *that*. (Where *that* = sex...and I think everyone knows how much I like to get to the sex.)

I'm in completely unfamiliar territory. It's more than a little odd, quite frankly. But also a little exciting, in that here's-a-scary-new-thing-to-explore sort of way.

There have been a handful of complications along the way, on both sides of the equation, but I won't get into all of those publicly, because a lot of it isn't mine to talk about. But some of those things are starting to get cleaned up, and others of them may never get cleaned up.  I foresee at least one more big complication potentially on the horizon, but I'll have to deal with that when (or if) it actually shows up.

I have no idea where this thing is going--or if it's going anywhere at all. Right now, I'm doing my best just to hang on to what has so far been a bizarre ride.

But really, sometimes I think my life could just be so much easier if I didn't find tall, dark-haired, light-eyed, slightly nerdy boys so flippin' addictive.

I had a moment of clarity this afternoon while having coffee and catching up with someone I hadn't seen in a couple of years. That moment of clarity left me with the following question:
What is it about me that boys coming out of serious relationships seem to find attractive?

I don't have an answer to that. Just the question. It's a recurring theme in my life, so it seems like finding the answer might be a good idea.

I haven't updated in awhile. That's mostly because I don't know what to say. In short: My life is a mess. I'm a mess.

And now I'm stuck in my house because of the snow. Alone. I have to leave the television on, because I need the noise to keep me distracted...and music can get too poignant and painful way too fast.

My latest nickname (at work) is Buddha. The stated reason for this is the calm and serenity with which I handle other people's frenetic energy in meetings. Also, that I'm somewhat Buddha-shaped. And no one said it, but I'd wager that it has a little to do with the chink thing as well. (The Buddha-shaped bit was, in fact, mentioned.)

Someone else called me cute, though. So maybe the Buddha thing works for me.

Speaking of being called cute, I'm now 99% certain I was asked out last weekend. And again today. (But, jeez, that last 1% of doubt is hard to shake.)

Lots of stuff going on. Work stuff, family stuff, life stuff. So far, I'm managing to keep it all sorted and compartmentalized--I'm great at compartmentalizing--but I feel like I'm juggling about a billion things right now. And so, in an effort to get stuff out of my head, I'm just going to jot down random things.

My handbag collection is growing by leaps and bounds. So many bags in so many colors. They're like candy for my arm. And while I'm not a huge fan of candy, my arm seems to love it quite a bit.

And I think I got asked out today. That was weird. (No, really. I never get asked out. Ever.)

I had coffee, lunch and shopping today with a friend I haven't seen in months. Upon seeing me, the first words out of her mouth: "Oh, my god. Your hair. It's like grown up Rainbow Brite." The descriptors people have for my hair always seem to include some variation on grown up, sophisticated, chic...basically, everything that I've apparently not been since moving to Seattle. Nice. Of course, all of that also means that I blend into just about any crowd now. And it's weird not to stand out at all. (Some recent experiences show that boys can't spot me in a room, even when they're walking around and looking for me.)

I'm going back to Tennessee in a couple of weeks. Well, more like a week and a half. I haven't been back there in eight years. I can't really say that I'm looking forward to the trip, but it's a necessity. There are family things to be taken care of, and no one but me to make sure they're done. That's the downside of being an only child, there's no one with whom to share the parental care responsibilities. Then again, I never had to share my toys, so I guess that's the tradeoff.

While out with my friend today, she drove me by a building that I'd seen listed on Craigslist. The space looks awesome from the outside (I peeked into as many windows as I could), and I think I'm going to go ahead and try to set up a time to check out the interior. The only thing I'm a little unsure about is the location. It's in West Seattle, and other than Alki, that's never an area I've seriously considered living in. But a similar space in my neighborhood would easily go for three or four times what they're asking in rent. Again, there's the tradeoff.

I did manage to get a recommendation for a triathlon coach. The person that I wanted to go with originally isn't taking on clients right now, because her personal life is going through quite a bit of upheaval. The recommendation that I got is for someone local, and I'd probably sign on for a package that includes some in-person workouts as well, so that's a plus. Additionally, she has a tri team and a masters swim group, so there would be lots of opportunities to work out with other people, too. I'll probably be looking at that after the first of the year. For now, I just need to get myself through the rest of *this* year.

Bored.

With most things. And almost all people.

I guess I still have my training.

I snapped these at the gym today. Here's one version of what 5'4", 235 lbs looks like... (pay no attention to the low quality, or my funked up hair...or the lovely tan line still visible across the middle of my thigh from my bike shorts this summer)
In other news, I've noticed that the night after my day off from workouts, I have dreams about working out. Last night's dream was about running. I think last week's dream was about speedskating. I don't dream about exercise any other nights. (Unless you're counting sex as exercise, in which case I guess I dream about exercise most nights.)

Ended up not having time for laundry or bike shop. But, I'm home now and doing some cooking for next week--roasting a turkey breast and about to make some turkey taco meat and a beef-and-veggie stir fry. Thought about doing a baked spaghetti squash alfredo with chicken and broccoli, but the oven is only so big. Maybe I'll put that together tomorrow night...since Monday is my day off from workouts.

I did have an awesome workout today, though. Don't get me wrong, I still hate the cardio, but I got through it...even though I wanted to quit at about the 12-minute mark. But, I didn't quit. I stayed on that damned machine for the full hour, and I got in 5.5 miles. Sweaty beast doesn't even begin to describe it. I, and my new (tighter fitting) workout clothes, were completely drenched in sweat by the end. And then I rinsed myself off in the shower and got in the pool for drills and a handful of laps...1500m in total for the pool.

Swimming is really the only non-lifting exercise that I get a mental high from. Given a little time for food and rest/recovery after getting out of the water, and I get completely silly and kid-like. More than one friend has poked fun at me about that. I do have to admit, though, that it is pretty amusing.

In tangentially-related news, I bought a new scale this weekend. The new scale is on crack. First off, it weighs me at close to ten lbs heavier than my old scale, but that part doesn't really bother me. I'll go with it, because I'm more interested in the trend of that number than the number itself. The cracked out part is that this is a scale that measures body fat, muscle mass, water, and bone mass through bioelectrical impedance. And while I've never put faith in those numbers, the sheer comedy of the numbers this thing spit out at me was freakin' awesome. First off, it came back with 41% body fat--now, I know I'm fat, but I also know that there is no way in hell that  my bf% is upwards of 40. Then, it said 40.1% water. And 69.3% muscle. Oh, and 7.6% bone. That makes me 158.6% of a person.

Fuck! No wonder I'm so big...I'm, like, a person and a half! *eye roll*

(Even if you assume that water and bone should just be included in the "muscle" number as lean mass, that still comes out to 110.3%)

So, yeah. If you ever wonder why some people tell you those scales are often worse than useless...there you go.

Since caliper measurements (which, admittedly, I haven't done in awhile) usually put me in the high 20's (~27%) for body fat, as do circumference calculators (~28%), and my handheld Omron device generally fluctuates in the 32-37% range, I think a number in the low-ish 30's is more realistic. For purposes of figuring out my protein and fat requirements, I generally estimate my body fat at 32-33% and call it good. This means I have ~160lbs of lean body mass (not muscle, but total lean body mass--water, muscle, bone, organs, etc.), which is pretty high for a girl, especially of my height, but fairly believable if you've ever met me...or seen an x-ray of my torso/ribcage.

Ok. I need more food now. (Hey, I'm eating for one and a half here!)

I took care of most of my To Do list yesterday. And I treated myself to a pile of new workout clothes in the process.

I didn't get to one of the items, but I'm ok with that. I might take care of it today if I get the chance, but we'll see. I have a pretty full day of obligations, so it may not be in the cards for me.

Today:

• Gym for cardio and swim drills
• Laundry - towels
• Eat
• Go to Ruth's (find ways to avoid political discussions...may have to resort to leaving and getting in more workout time at the gym)
• Maybe: take bike frame/parts to shop

No time for proper posting. Too much to do today.

Putting a list here so I can keep track of it:

• Bike shop - drop off tri bike frame/parts to get it built (still annoyed that I have to resort to that)
• Target - replace scale
• Grocery store - need food
• Gym - lifting and pool time
• Other bike shop - exchange saddles
• Paper Zone (or other) - 11x17 portfolio book

Ok. Off to eat something--leftover meal from last weekend's bulk cooking--and get to my list.

Just in case you didn't already know, Starbucks wants you to vote.

So does Krispy Kreme.

Oh, and Ben & Jerry's.

But it's not just food getting in on the act. Babeland wants to give you an orgasm if you go and vote. Ok, so they're not guaranteeing the orgasm, but they are giving you a way to make it easier--with a free sex toy

And Rock The Vote will give you some free music.

If none of those ways of bribing you into your local polling place work, you might be able to find something else on the list thoughtfully compiled by the folks over at slickdeals.net.

As for me, this election felt dirty before...now it just feels gross.

First, I started growing out the mohawk. Then, I chopped off a bunch of the length. And now, I've covered the pink. For the first time in a year and a half, I don't have pink hair...it's bizarre.

It's now back to my natural color--dark, dark, dark brown. So dark brown it looks black. But with little bits of dark blue and dark fuschia/purple around the front...just to keep it interesting. Also, it's a lot shorter now. I don't have pics yet, but they'll probably be happening soon.

But, I do have pics of my latest bike acquisition. So, here she is...Lucy, the lovely Litespeed Solano.

I mean, I've been able to swim for awhile. But now? I actually *like* swimming. And it doesn't feel like *work*. How great is that?

I spent my weekend at a Total Immersion swim workshop. Two full days of getting my brain crammed full of information and practicing drills. And by the end of the weekend, I had gone from 24 down to 14 strokes for a length of the pool. And I picked up some speed, once I discovered how to glide through the water. It was awesome.

I'm actually pretty excited to get back in the pool and start practicing the drills. I imagine I'll try to set up a few private lessons with one of the coaches after I've had a little time to work on things on my own. But for now, I actually feel like I have the tools to improve my swimming.

It was a chunk of change to register for the workshop, but it was so worth it.

And, because I was in the pool all day, I was pretty hungry all evening. Good thing I'm fat and almost always have a fridge full of food. Heh. :-)

Speaking of food, I've been experimenting with batch cooking for the last few weeks. While it's a definite time commitment to spend a couple of hours cooking food on Sunday night, it makes the rest of the week go so smoothly. All I have to do in the morning is grab a few containers out of the fridge, maybe slice some avocado into one of the containers, throw some nuts into a sandwich bag, toss it all into a bag with a piece of cheese or fruit, and I'm set for all of my food for the day. The only cooking I have to do in the mornings now is breakfast (eggs!), and I can do that in just a few minutes.

It's also great for my diet. Since being consistent about prepping my food ahead of time, I've dropped all of the water bloat I'd been carrying around from eating so much crap, and lost of couple of extra pounds in the process. (new low: 227.5)

I'll need to get a new workout plan in place soon. I've felt sort of trackless since my race season ended, but I'm ready to put an end to that. I'll decide in the next couple of weeks what my goals are for next year, and then I'll probably start shopping for a coach. So much to do...

I had a very full, but absolutely not work-related in any way, weekend. That was a first in quite awhile. Even on race weekends, I was usually doing a couple of work things on the day before. But not this weekend. For the first time in ages I'm not heading into a Monday thinking I didn't get enough done. It's amazing.

Somehow, I finished up all of my work on Friday afternoon. This actually left me in such a state of shock that I just sat at my desk for a good thirty minutes staring at my myriad of monitors and trying to figure out what to do with myself. Eventually, I got up and went home, where I sat on the sofa, drinking water, playing mindless games on my laptop, and watching some Grey's Anatomy on DVD. It was an awesomely relaxing time.

Saturday morning brought some mild physical discomfort that I couldn't really pinpoint, but I got in a short jog anyway. After some breakfast, I headed north to meet up with a Craigslist person looking to sell a bike so he could pay his bills. Not just any bike. A titanium hottie of a bike. A  2005 Litespeed Solano -- with the gorgeous brushed finish on bare titanium. I hopped on it as soon as I saw it and began flying around on it. It was a perfect fit, and such an amazing ride (and a killer deal). As soon as I climbed off of it, I realized that the one change (other than the pedals and saddle) that I thought I might have to make on the bike was already taken care of--stock, these came with a standard 53/39 Ultegra crank, but I wanted a compact...this had already been switched out to an FSA carbon compact crank. There was no way I was going home without it.

So, I grabbed the envelope full of cash out of my car, handed it over and laid claim to my new titanium best friend.

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with Lisa, doing some shopping, and battling cramps from hell. That last part suuucked. But, thoughts of going home and lovingly cleaning my new bike and getting to know her better pulled me through it just fine. I want to change the bar tape, tires, saddle, and pedals. That will all happen this week sometime. :-)

This morning, I took a heroic dose of ibuprofen and acetaminophen and headed out for my ChiRunning workshop. The workshop was really great for the most part. We made a lot of changes to my form, and they seemed to help my knee quite a bit. Unfortunately, the changes also tweaked my hip a bit, and caused a new kind of tightness in my lower legs. I definitely need to get myself started with some yoga to work on loosening up my body. I got about two-thirds of the way through the workshop before the combination of new pains and the return of my cramps told me it was time to leave.

So, I ran a couple of errands and did my grocery shopping for the week. After some veg time on the sofa (with more ibuprofen), I'm now finishing up the food prep for the week and about to go to sleep for the night.

I need a few more weekends like this. (Minus the cramps.)

I spent much of my day trying to figure out what I want to do next. Despite having started up with a running group, signing up for a ChiRunning workshop coming up this weekend, and slapped down the fee for a Total Immersion swim clinic next weekend, I'm feeling a little rudderless.

I considered hiring a coach that was focused on nutrition and weight loss. I started interviewing a couple of them (and the thing to understand about these guys is that they generally coach fitness/physique athletes...so it's all about a "look", not about performance), but kept running into the same barrier of, "You're going to have to cut back (or drop entirely) your other training if you want to maximize fat loss." And it's not that I don't think they know what they're talking about...I just don't want to cut back on my other training. So, I'm obviously going to have to tighten down and tackle the nutrition/weight issue on my own. (And I am. It's back to "dieting" as of today for me.)

Today I spent a good bit of time researching triathlon coaching. There are lots of local options, but I don't know enough about them to know which option to go with. There's another option for someone who is out-of-state, but already knows me, knows my injury history, and is a physical therapist. Going with that option will almost certainly mean needing to join a masters swim team. Biking and running I can handle on my own, but I really struggle with structuring pool workouts.

Or, I can join a local team. <--That's the least expensive of the options.

*sigh* So many choices.

Oh, and I found a recipe this evening that I am soooo making when I take my next diet break. Gluten-free Coconut Carrot Cake. Oh, my...

 It's been a *way* busy handful of days.

From InfoCamp all weekend, to an unexpected (last-minute...as in I bought tickets Sunday evening and flew out Monday) quick jaunt to San Francisco. Home now with a crap ton of work to do, and hopefully I'll find a few minutes at some point to actually unwind now. (And by "home" I mean I'm back in Seattle...I actually just came straight to the office from the airport about twenty minutes ago.)

SF was decent. Well, parts were better than decent. Other parts made me want to go on a rampage of death and destruction. A little bit of work, a dash of annoyed fussiness, and as much pleasure as I could manage to grab in the less than 48 hours I was there.

Oh, and Virgin America? Rocks. Totally rocks. 

For the LA-Seattle or SF-Seattle routes, I'm not sure why anyone would fly Alaska anymore. Srsly.

Dumbbell Bench Press: 3x10x30lbs a side
Cable Flyes: 3x10x15lbs a side
Close Grip Pulldowns: 3x10x105lbs
Deltoid Flyes: 3x10x60lbs
Front Squats: 3x10x75lbs
Good Mornings: 3x10x75lbs
And then, teh cardio...
Elliptical: 30 minutes, intervals (2.5 miles, 388 cals)

--------------

I'm considering hiring a coach, with the specific goal of helping me strip off fat over the next few months. I'm ok on my own, but I'd really like to get maximum results for my efforts. I think I'll have a better chance at that if I turn over the eats and that workouts to an expert. I've sent off an inquiry, so we'll see what happens...

...sort of.

Yesterday's migraine was still busy making me feel less than great for most of the morning. I eventually gave up on trying to work, and just went over to Lisa's house instead. Lots of chatting, some random food (she made me a huge steak), and a Sprite later and I was starting to feel a little better. She even took pics of me "being skinny" (her words) in her kitchen--and by "being skinny" she meant just standing there. I've looked at the pics, and she's right...my body shape is starting to change. (I almost have a waist in these pics...bizarre.)

After leaving her place, I hit the gym and punished myself, I mean, burned off my frustrations over not being able to do the race yesterday. A quick round of weights:
Incline Bench Press: 3x8x95lb
Squats: 3x8x135lbs
Seated Rows: 3x8x90lbs
And then, teh cardio...
Elliptical: 60 minutes, intervals (5.1 miles, 734 cals)

That's right. I did an hour of cardio. On a machine. Actually, an hour and five minutes if you include the cool down at the end. Suck it, bitches.

And then I went grocery shopping. And was unpleasantly surprised to find that soy sauce contains wheat. *sigh* I ended up with a bottle of stupidly expensive organic frou-frou soy sauce, because that was the only gluten-free stuff they had. It looks like I have a new grocery store quest...

Tomorrow evening is the first session of the coached running group. Whee! And now I'm going to go crash. With any luck a decent night of sleep and I'll once again return to a normal, and productive, state on the work front.